smoking!

Wednesday One-Liners Could Quit if They Wanted to

Guy: Okay, here's the plan: we paint your van, then you have sex with Susan, then I'll have sex with...someone else. Then we both smoke a lot of weed...

--1st Ave

Teen boy: Yo, I just stopped smoking weed, cause, like, I heard it was bad for you. So I started smoking cigarettes again.

--G train

Queer on cell, taking deep drags of cigarette: No, I'm not! I told you I quit. [Exhales] Umm, that was just me blowing my bangs out of my eyes.

--Outside Bally Fitness, 50th St

Smoker: I read somewhere that if you quit smoking by the time you are middle aged your body can still recover, and I thought, "Great I still have a couple more years to quit." Then I read what they define "middle aged" as. I'm fucked!

--Upper East Side gallery

via Overheard in New York, Jul 26, 2006

Some updating...

The summer birthday party/house guest party/whatever party is done. Whew. Over forty people came--kids, dogs, friends. There was a break-up, a hook-up, (not me this time!) and a butt-load of drinking, dancing, and all around merriment. Except me. I had a pretty crappy time. No...that's not REALLY true. It was fun, but I just felt like all I did was clean up after people because I was completely paranoid about Daisy getting into chicken or something. It was fun, I guess. And Richard did and EXCELLENT job on the grill. But, I'm thinking, I'm done with party throwin' for a while.

The house guests: Very fun. Actually, Akasha was here for a few nights before Richard and Jenna came, and that was great fun, too. And Richard and Jenna are so very cool, so even though the house is small, it was just fine. Interestingly, it actually feels smaller now that they're gone...but that could be the friction between me and Mel, and I don't know what that's about, but I've vowed NOT to talk about it or say anything negative or mean because it is highly possible that I'm just a tad stressed out about the parents visiting...

Which, is done. They leave for the coast tomorrow morning. Whew. Five of the longest, hottest, most deep-breath-breathin days of the year, that's fo'shizzle.

Ribbit.

AND--I still haven't smoked. Oh yeah. Three weeks today.

Actually, that's a lie. I smoked a big ole pork butt last week, and at this very moment, I'm smokin' some ribs. Richard taught me how to do all that. I'm smoking the ribs to take camping--Oh, I can't wait!

Tomorrow, it's the farm, then Thursday is Mel's birthday, and then EARLY Friday morning, heading out to Meditation Point, and nobody else better be there!

Okay--this actually is the lamest summer ever, but that's okay...I've got a lot of farm time up ahead, and that will make up for the lack of camping, and there's two nights this weekend, and that will be good. And I'll sleep in the hammock tomorrow night, and listen for the coyotes. Yay.

Bitter and black

Because I have nothing to write about right this moment...(well, I do, but it's bitter, bitchy, nasty shit that I'm going to just keep to myself for the moment, in hopes that it burns itself out)

Stolen from my friend Betsy, who stole if from her friend Tori...


Type your cut contents here.

your car: Hooopty Subarupty Forester

your hair: Anarchy hair

your mother: please, not now...

your father: Same as above

your favorite item: sheesh. I mean, a thing? Dunno, really. A Thing? I don't have a favorite thing. They're things. Now, if you were to say favorite dog, or something...

your dream last night: I NEVER remember by dreams--but last night, I did, and it was an awful school dream, where I had to teach a 90 minute social studies block--ACH, the horror!--to 90 kids in there different classrooms, and it was the first day of school! I was a mess, and it was awful. AWFUL! I tell you! Awful.

your favorite drink: Usually, PBR, but at the moment, water.

your dream home: On a farm.

the room you're in: office at home

your pet: DAISY, and Boo and Max.

your fear: money stuff.

what you want to be in ten years: Somebody else.

who you hung out with last night: The fam, and then Jenna and Richard

what you're not: stable--not financially, mentally or emotionally (but I AM honest)

your best friends: Mel (?) Sarah, Shelby, Lala,

one of your wish list items: hmm...back to the things...a pair of Keens, maybe?

your gender: Female

the last thing you did: water the garden

what are you wearing: as little has possibible--skirt, tee, flops

your favorite weather: hot hot hot

your favorite book: Too many to list

the last thing you ate: Yah halla lamb shanks and veggie mezzo platter, meat pies, yum

your life: a freakin' mess

your mood: bitter and black. I hope it changes, it's not my style

my apologies

To those sensitive types who read this (but honestly--if you know me, then you should just expect this type of thing sometimes). I found this on Overheard in New York. A site I peruse frequently, and send the funniest quotes to Sarah, but this, really--I think it just deserves to be posted.
Regardless, They're Pretty Much Dead-Set On Calling It 'Paris'

Girl: Paris Hilton has a fragrance?! What's it supposed to smell like, unwashed crotch?

--Manhattan Mall

Overheard by: Rainey

via Overheard in New York, Jul 15, 2006

Funny thing--So, one day, at school, I'm on duty (that's middle-school-speak for standing in the hallway and hoping against all hopes that there are no fights, because when there is a fight, you inevitably lose your coffe trying to break it up--but the idea is that just by standing there, walking around, talking to the lovely little children, they
won't fight, but that doesn't always work, but usually, but ANYWAY) talking with another teacher and our illustrious principal walks up. Now, this guy is a big guy, and he really doesn't get the supervision thing--so, he's standing right smack in front of me, and I can't really see around him, but I suppose that there are generally no fights while he's around because of his sheer hugeness. But, he tells me about this site that he heard on OPB. I go to check it out, and it's really funny. I send it to the other teacher who was standing there, and he replies instantly--"This is not middle school appropriate." Well, he was right, obviously (see above) but what a prude! I mean, sheesh. And, that guy, he's not really the prude type. I mean, he's not middle school appropriate. And you know what--if I ever start living the middle school appropriate life, somebody shoot me.

I mean, I can be appropriate--really, I can, and I am appropriate at work, but I really don't want to live a rated PG life. snore...

How does this happen?

I mean, I go from absolutely bored (now I remember why I always work in the summer--I'm completely bored if I don't!) to insanely busy!

Mel's friends from the ATL (read Georgia) are coming into town tonight and are staying through Monday. So, there's crazy cleaning going on--and then, we're having a HUGE summer party on Sunday, so there's cooking and planning and all sorts of shopping and crap going on too.

On top of all of this, another friend is going through a break up, so she's been kind of staying here, as well, which is cool, but it cuts down on the alone time, and the time where I do things that are loud (like--I don't know, weed wacking or something--or playing the out-of-tune piano) and I end up hanging out with her a lot, so other stuff just doesn't get done.

But then...then...the folks are coming to town too--next Friday--so there's even more cleaning to do. Dang this house is clean!

And there's all sorts of birthdays and camping and farmsitting (oh--so can't wait for that! Horses and cows and llamas and chickens and goats and pigs--and maybe even BABY pigs!!! or maybe this year I'll help Priscilla deliver her pigs, like last year--what a story that was!) (that's the farm) and appointments (oh yeah--physical therapy, here I come!). Holy moly. Not only am I not bored, I'm freakin' busy!

Hopefully, the pt appointment will help, and I'll be able to sleep, and hopefully, people will come to our party (I always have this fear that people won't come--does everybody have that fear?).

We have cute little grab bags for the five people that are having a birthday this month, and we're making a TON of chicken and I'm making a carrot cake, and something chocolatey--but I don't know what, yet. And deviled eggs and pasta salad. I'm so excited! Ugh! can't wait. Oh, and a cobbler--a berry thing. Yum! But sheesh--I'm gonna be tired!

Bulletproof Bracelets

Bulletproof Bracelets

What kind of smart are you?

Alright--I took this dang quiz, that I tried to bring here, that measures your smarts, and it messed up the whole dang page. However, if you to to the link you may be able to find the quiz--but the bottom line is that I have 0% applied intelligence (but 60% natural smarts) What the hell does that mean? I mean, I know I lack some smarts in obvious places--oh! The decision making part of my brain--that must be the applied intelligence area! Huh. Can you improve that? I'm gonna try...I'm also gonna take that quiz again and change a few answers and see if my smartness quotient increases. But that just leaves me wondering about the other 40%...



On a different note--WHY do people think I want to talk to them? I mean, I know there are times when I talk to people--when I'm forced to, say, at work for instance, or when I need something (yes, I would like that with bacon--duh!), but why would anybody think that I want to have a conversation with them while I'm gardening in my flipping pajamas. You know what lady? I don't care if your yard men are coming or not. Do I even look interested in the slightest? Especially as I keep trying to walk away and YOU KEEP TALKING! I can actually pretty much safely say with 100% positiveness (yes, a word--I just said it so it has to be) that I have never looked like I actually want to have a conversation with anybody. One--I'm shy, and two--I generally really don't like people. (I mean, most people--I like my friends and my dog and the dogs my friends have--usually). So seriously--stop talking to me--and especially: don't talk to me if I'm in my pajamas and you're wearing a muu-muu. Ew, that's not painting a pretty picture!<

Question

Okay--let's just say, hypothetically, that you were planning a party. Not just a little "hey, we're having a BBQ" kind of party, but the kind of party where you lump a bunch of different occasions together, so you can celebrate them all at once, and you order meat from a COMPANY, and PRODUCE too, since you're buying so much of it, and you've arranged for extra grills to be delivered, and you're buying things in bulk and you're even decorating specifically for that event. You've HAND DELIVERED invitations, as well as sent out evites, and you've invited people you haven't seen for flipping years. Let's just say that this party has been planned for weeks, and then seven days before the party, one of (what you thought was) your good friends decides to have a party on the very same day. What would you do?

And, I mean, I'm trying to get over the damn high school aspect (but then she decided to have a slumber party on the same day I was having a slumber party) of it, but my feelings are very hurt. And I'm trying not to be overdramatic or a baby about this, but I really thought we were better friends than that. And I think that if somebody asked me to have a party on the same day as a good friend of mine, I'd say, "No, I can't, I already have plans." That's just me, I guess. And, I think what I'm hurt about is that that thought didn't even come into play.

Yay! For multiple reasons, yay!

Reason one--yay!--Look, just look, at that beeyouuutiful squash blossom. We actually have multiple wondermous blossoms, but that's the one that was on my phone, that's the one you get. We have, right now, ready to eat (just ask Zig) tomatoes, peas, and so much basil/mint/cilantro but then there are also baby things growing too! Now, my house is small, and slightly furry (what with the dogs and all, and I lose a crazy amount of hair, too, by the wayside), and almost all the furniture was free (except for the out-of-tune piano) and the yard isn't weeded or even green, for that matter, but the garden--sigh--the garden! It's amazing! And also, it's my first garden, really--(I mean, there was that community garden when I was with I Have a Dream that I did with the kids, and there were some lame attempts as a renter in various houses) and while the yard itsn't landscaped, and I don't have hundreds to blow on lawn furniture or decking--the garden is good. So, yay!

Number two yay! Birthdays and friends. Actually, their birthdays are tomorrow (today is actually Jane's birthday, but seriously, I don't really care that much, so...) but we're going camping tomorrow bright and early (unless Melanie has yet another bloody nose--ew!--in which case we're going to the ER and then we're going out for oysters, but let's just hope that doesn't happen) and the celabratory parties are tonight, so...Happy Birthday to Sarah and Lala! Yay!

And number three yay! Well, I've been a little reticent to mention it, because I'm afraid of the backslide--but all my friends know, and if I backslide, then I do, but I'm hoping i won't, but...It's officially DAY 5 with no smoking. And I'm talking no one little puffs of off Shelby's or lighting the butts out of the ashtray in the back yard (EW!) or even sneaking one with beers last night. None! AND--I haven't even killed anybody yet! I mean, not "yet" exactly. Just, not anybody. Nobody's died around me as a result of my awful grouch. Today, I'm not even feeling the grouch. Yay! And I've been to two parties, and still, no smoking. Granted, the first party I was chewing the awful gum--(AWFUL!)--like mad and not drinking and I left early because if I hadn't somebody actually might have died, but last night I had fun, and had a beer or two and I really didn't even WANT one a cigarette. Not even a little. I did eat a whole pizza, practically, and the day before I seriously (I'm not kidding--I weighed myself) gained 10 freakin' pounds in one day, but isn't that better than smoking? Please, please tell me it is. There were moments last night when I thought about it, thought that one wouldn't really matter--I mean, the gum has nicotine in it, too, and it wouldn't make a difference, right? But the thing is, I don't WANT to smoke. I mean, I really don't want to, so that's why I'm quitting. So, YAY! to day number five.

Finally!

All right--so, I've finally got some camping on the schedule. I kept trying to figure out why this summer has been so different from the other summers. I mean, most summers, I've camped before school's even out, and hiked all the freakin' time, too--but Daisy's been a big part of the not hiking bit--and we have done a little, and the not camping thing--well, I don't know. House stuff with me, Shelby AND Sarah, I guess--and Mel's working a lot more than, well, ever. Yeah, I guess that covers it.

But--I might go camping on Sunday (it's Sar's birthday) and I'm definately going later with Shelby and whoever else with the canoe out to Meditation Point (yay! my favorite place!). So yes, finally, some camping on the books. I'm a little iffy about Sunday, only because...well, I've got a BAD case of grouch.

And, I think, right now...I'm going to go water the garden, and then I'm going for a hike. Just a quick Gorge hike--really quick. It should help with the grouch...

Oh, this is bad...and yet, so good

Yay!

Yay! Oh yay! And yes, I'm a total nerd here, but come on! I'm a middle school teacher, I can't help but love this stuff: The His Dark Materials movie is actually happening, and scheduled for release in November! And you know what? Just because it has a little girl in it, doesn't mean it's a book for little kids--okay, it is a book for kids, but it's a GOOD one. Oh, yay!

Oh--okay, Novemeber 2007, but still! It's happening. Oh, I can't wait. I'll have to read them all again. Yay!

So here it is, July 3rd. It's a holiday weekend, and I've got no plans. Okay, it's not as pathetic as it sounds. I actually DO have plans...a BBQ tomorrow, and we're going to the river today. Well, I am. Daisy can't because she's awfully mean to little dogs and she doesn't really like to swim, so it's okay if she stays here. However, Ziggy, now, he totally loves to swim. And then Shelby's bringing her dogs as well, because little Dallas needs to swim with Zig. Ow hell, it's a full on dog entry. Now it is sounding a little pathetic.

So, the spot on the river we're going to is the most white trash spot ever. There is trash all over, and just all around grossness. But, it's close. We could drive a while and hit the Clackamas River, but then it's rocky, and the good spots are hard to find.