kids

So, a haiku:

As the weather warms
I am reminded that they
all need some new shoes

And, a quote:
If you google myspace
I'll youtube your yahoo.

seriously.

Whine

I am SOOOOO tired. That's it. A whine. I know, pathetic. Sorry. I have my moments.

I'm working too hard, there is too much to do, and I'm exhausted.

On the upside--I'm just completely loving my job (just the teaching one--the other three are just blah, but needed). Seriously. Loving it. I'm loving what I'm doing, I'm loving the kids (even the sticky ones) and--even though there is tons and tons of drama--I'm even loving (most of) the people I work with. It's crazy, I know. Especially with the drama, but truly, it's the kids and what we're working on. It's seriously cute--they are excited about what they are doing and what they are reading--how cute is that?

I'm a nerd.

Yesterday, after my chiropractic exam, I went and did 3 hours of hard physical labor for a friend. They paid me $40 and fed me too, but sheesh, I'm sore. Exhuasted and sore. I moved lumber and rocks. And did some minor cleaning up and yard work. Ugh. But, it's $40 that I didn't have before. But--when I got back, I was too tired to do any of the work at home I needed to do (like school work, and house work). Sigh. Now...off to Gravy. Ick.

I hate hate hate money and not having it.

Here's the new pup, though--sweet thing he is....

A few notes...

1. I fully expect a visit from Hangover Henrietta tomorrow.

2. I have great friends.

3. I quit my fourth job on Friday, before I even started. Is that so awful? I'm not quite sure...four jobs might be too much, even for the likes of me.

4. I have a crush.

5. My garden is sprouting, and the front of my house looks so cute with all the bulbs coming up and the rain garden all happy!

6. I can't wait for the next dry day (which may be a while seeing as a) it's April and b) this IS Oregon) because I'm going to rototill like a mofo and put a flower bed in along the eastern fence!

7. I may may may be adopting an old yellow boy dog lab. Whoot!

A nice break in the stormy weather...

I enjoyed a well-deserved pause in the tempestuous hangover season...(ha! Like there's a season!). The calm, smooth-sailing was most likely brought on by the arrival of the Dread Gamboo, which is still lingering like the awful plague it is...however, I am dedicated if nothing else. Girls' night has graced me with the lovely (yet weak) Camilla. Category one, but she may linger. No shakes or aches, but a little slow on the uptake.

Throwing in a picture of Ziggy Brown Dog just for fun, and because he's so dang handsome. He has nothing to do with Camilla, but I don't have a picture that does...so there you have it.

Introducing...

Today's hangover is brought to you by Melanie and Shelby.

Bettina. She's a beauty, too, enhanced by lack of sleep and smokey dive bars, she comes with the shakes and a sore, sore head. One of the best things about Bettina is that she has no respect for early mornings or work days.

Ladies and Gentlemen: Bettina.

So wicked it deserves a name

I have decided to start naming my hangovers. Kind of like hurricanes. Alphabetically. This one, it's name is Aden.

Nobody should subject their bodies to what I did last night. It's just wrong.

Today, I pay.

Aden.

The Chump and the Troll

Have you ever gone over and over something that sucked in your past? You know, kind of obsessed over it, a little. Lost sleep, and maybe a little weight?



A few years ago, there was this guy...and...he dumped me. I was shattered. I 1) had never been dumped, and 2) could not understand his reason ("I love you, but I don't see us together in 50 years." --Whatever that means.



Well...the other day, I'm out to dinner, and in walks this chump with his new girl. Except that--oh my god!--she's a troll! Really! Fat and frumpy and has the down-turny mouth and everything! AND--they were not a happy couple. I mean, you know how when you see couples, you can just tell if they're having fun? I don't think these two even looked at each other! There was no smiling, no touching, no laughing, no fun. It was...well...I felt downright uncomfortable for them. Ha! The chump and the troll! I feel just a little bad about enjoying this so much...but, I mean, I'm pretty cool...I rock, even, and...well...you know...you could've been with me! Chump. HahahahaHAhahah! Chump and troll.

so not fair!!!

Seriously, if YOU are sick, then it isn't fair if your dog gets sick, too. There is just not enough energy to deal with a sick dog when you can't even get out of bed! COME ON, dog! Get better!

Humorosity from last week:

1) fart spray. Oh yeah, I work in a middle school
2) the THONG PANTY LINER that was slapped on one girl's hoodie by her friend. She walked down the hall with it. Seriously. And she thought it was funny! (it was not used...) That's not funny! Funny is...um...well, I don't know, but that isn't it! I'd say that thong panty liners are kind of funny, but they aren't really...they're just wrong.
3) my 6th period singing to me...to the Fergalicious song..."Ain't no other teacher put it down like me."

trains are like school...kind of

See...we do this thing, at school, where we catch kids doing the right thing. They do something nice, and they get a Gotcha! The transit authority must have spies in the Middle School Underground.

The Advance Scout from Planet X Blows Its Cover

Guy: You know, they're giving away money on the T train for being nice.
Bimbette: What?
Guy: The T train -- they're giving away money to people who are nice.
Bimbette: Who are?
Guy: The T train.
Bimbette: How can a train give away money?
Guy: Not the train. The people -- the train people.
Bimbette: Why would they give away money?
Guy: To encourage people to be nice. They give it to people who do nice things.
Bimbette: Nice things?
Guy: Yeah, like holding open the door, letting someone have your seat -- nice things.
Bimbette: How can they just give away money?
Guy: It's not actual money. They're gift certificates to Dunkin' Donuts.
Bimbette: What's a donut?
Guy: Are you fucking kidding me?

--A train

Overheard by: this imaginary train you speak of sounds nice

via Overheard in New York, Jan 21, 2007

Because it's funny...

So...I know it's a little mean, but it's also pretty darn funny. Here's the thing...this woman--this AWFUL woman I work with, she's a Sudoku maniac. But she's awful, too--like, she doesn't understand why Christmas trees aren't allowed in public schools, and she says things like, "those people" and she boycotted Walmart because they said Season's Greetings instead of Merry Christmas. Oh, that's just the beginning, too. I mean, she wears a thong (she's in her 40s!) and she wears pants that make it obvious that she's wearing a thong (did I mention she's in her 40s?). Well...every day, she cuts the Sudoku puzzle out of the paper at lunch. So, occasionally, I go in and cut it out, before lunch. Just to bug her. But...and here's the clever part...I don't do it every day, because I want her to keep her hopes up that it might be there. Isn't that just awful?

But, kind of funny, too?

grrr....

I am in a foul, foul mood. Grrr....

I hate that I had to go back to work today (but that's not why I'm in a foul mood...I just am). It sucked having to pretend to like people and answer questions about my sucky-ass holiday. Grrr....

Life would be so much more fun if I were completely crazy and growling was a socially accepted means of communication.

my new fav holiday

Merry Fuckmas, Everybody!

Tourist lady: Man, there must be something going on in New York today!
Flustered man: It's called Christmas, bitch.

--Disney Store, 5th Ave & 55th

via Overheard in New York, Dec 26, 2006

Knife Writer: Hippo Jaws Turn Midget Into Midget Juice

Knife Writer: Hippo Jaws Turn Midget Into Midget Juice

was there ever any question?

How evil are you?

True Dat

New York: The Fugue State

Guy #1: You know what the best thing ever is?
Guy #2: No, what?
Guy #1: When you wake up in the morning and have absolutely no idea what happened the night before or how you got home.
Guy #2: Ummm, not so sure that is the best.

--Brooklyn bound F train

via Overheard in New York, Nov 10, 2006

conundrum

It's weird. I fluctuate between periods of fiercely guarded solitude, and intense social activity. For example—in the past four weeks, I’ve gone out/seen friends/been somewhat social exactly twice. I manage to keep in touch with everybody, but I don’t do anything. ANYTHING. However, when I manage to get out—I kind of go over the top. But that’s balanced with quiet homebody time. In bed by nine, awake at five—and productive around the house and school work stuff. I love that time.

But now—I’m all extroverted. Out on Sunday (not good on Sunday, but out). Out last night, out tonight, out Friday night.

And suddenly, the whole spinsterhood crap isn’t working for me either—even if I wanted it to, it’s not. It’s just weird, that’s all. I don’t know how this happens. How do I go from no social life, to almost too much social life?

writhing

So, occasionally, I'm a complete idiot.

Just occasionally, mind you.

We here in idiot land have a saying. Sometimes, my self mortifies myself. Oh, right now, writhing in mortification. I just, sometimes, make AWFUL choices. AWFUL. And the thing is--ironically, I spent most of the day calming a friend down who was mortified at herself. And then I go and...ugh, I'm just so embarrassed.

Granted, I could have been much worse that I actually was--but still! Oh...shit.

Writhing.

Mortified.

I want to go back to bed...

And spend, oh, I don't know, months there. Months. And not ever answer the phone again. Or be seen in public. Oh my. How....how? How can I even have friends? I am very lucky to have the friends I have, and that they love me even though I am so mortifiyingly stupid. I'm full of stupidosity. Yep. Oh my...

yeah, and that too...

I am 94% Asshole/Bitch.

I am one of those people that love to hear the sound of their voice. That and my lousy attitude make for a mixture as toxic next-day-mexican-dinner-ass-drip.

Take the
Asshole/Bitch Test
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